idk where else to post this. my state denied me coverage for healthcare and food share for “making too much,” and now since i can’t acquire insurance elsewhere since i simply can’t afford it, i’m going to lose medication that is currently treating a chronic, life shortening illness. i do not have $509 a month to spend on this drug. and since nobody in my state gives a shit about me i am simply going to go without and suffer the consequences of being unmedicated with my disease.

great.

means testing is immoral and fuck everyone who supports it. you are why i won’t be medicated anymore.

  • dogerwaul@pawb.socialOPEnglish
    0·
    1 month ago

    some of us experience negative events routinely. people call it “bad luck” but that implies some kind of superstition. i don’t have bad luck. however, it appears i statistically experience negative outcomes far more frequently than people i personally know. it has to happen to somebody. our outcomes exist on a gradient of two probable states; positive or negative, so when you physically “do something” you become your own tool of measurement by interacting with your surrounding environment. you then “record” the outcome observed in our universe through your action: positive or negative. see? no luck. it’s just math and shit.

    my point is, i am what i am going to describe as quantum unlucky. i don’t understand it and it just is what it is, but i am fucking cursed by this universe to experience the shittiest shit as a dumb American. i am beyond exhausted. i cannot convince myself to stay here any longer. i merely exist because i am too afraid to end it. it isn’t necessarily the fascists that would do me in, because i have had a life of misery before i became aware of their existence, but they certainly have made everything more bleak.

    • LassCalibur@beehaw.orgEnglish
      2·
      1 month ago

      Are you familiar with the Buddhist teaching of The Arrow?

      When touched with a feeling of pain, the uninstructed run-of-the-mill person sorrows, grieves, & laments, beats his breast, becomes distraught. So he feels two pains, physical & mental. Just as if they were to shoot a man with an arrow and, right afterward, were to shoot him with another one, so that he would feel the pains of two arrows; in the same way, when touched with a feeling of pain, the uninstructed run-of-the-mill person sorrows, grieves, & laments, beats his breast, becomes distraught. So he feels two pains, physical & mental.

      The mental pain is due to our resistance, repulsion, anger, or hatred. Often this resistance takes the form of judgement and anxiety. What are you gaining by holding on to this resistance? Is it worth it?

      Thich Nhat Hanh, in his exegesis upon The Arrow in No Mud, No Lotus (p. 46), writes:

      …there is real danger attached if you don’t have enough to eat or can’t afford necessary medicine. But you don’t need to make this suffering worse by spinning stories in your head that are much worse than the reality… It’s important to remember that everything is impermanent. A suffering can arise—or can work itself out—for anyone at any moment.

      Instead of throwing good energy away on condemning yourself or obsessing over what catastrophes might be lurking around the corner, you can simply be present with the real suffering that is right in front of you, with what is happening right now. Mindfulness is recognizing what is there in the present moment. Suffering is there, yes; but what is also there is that you are still alive…

      What has happened to you is wrong, but none the less there is still joy all around you if you choose to find it. I hope that you do! Please take a look at these links and reconsider.

    • slauraure@beehaw.orgEnglish
      1·
      1 month ago

      Do you have some community around you? The US looks like a sad place to be any kind of minority right now. I’m certain there are many others feeling the same things as you. You’re not alone.