Here’s a good place to start:

gpg --gen-key

Then follow the prompts.

…he should do anti-gravity next.

There’s a python library for that.

This is patently false. Secure boot and hibernation are not mutually exclusive.

Zee shell ist die beste.

I think you’re conflating shells and terminals.

Is this a Demolition Man joke?

xz --version

So much whoooosh

Let me decentralize my shit…

Isn’t that why it’s a web of trust, and not a center of trust? I think you might be confusing that with public key infrastructure.

Also, you can’t decentralize your shit without a second party. That’s kind of the point.

I didn’t have a gigabyte mobo, but I use fancontrol-gui:

https://wiki.archlinux.org/title/Fan_speed_control

What are the quantum computers running? Also, please tell me they can run Doom.

date '+%Y is the year of the Linux desktop'

Apparently sbsign is only for signing kernel images. You may be able to sign fonts using gpg.

I’ve never had to sign font files, but I imagine you would use the same keys you used to sign your bootloader. sbsign is what I use to sign EFI Stubs.

This is the new quantum search feature: you changed the results by observing them.