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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 9th, 2023

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  • Yeah, absolutely. But that’s surviorship bias. If my relationship wasn’t worth it, I wouldn’t stay in it. The real cost isn’t the effort getting there, it’s the daily effort keeping it working. Dealing with your own shit, and someone else’s can be exhausting.

    But, for lots of lucky people it’s totally worth it. My partner brings me so much joy, at a deep level, and also a lot of silly entertainment like any good friend. And although it’s a lot of work, they also constantly make my life simpler and help me with the things I can’t handle.

    And I don’t know your situation, but I never saw myself as being with someone. And then, pretty randomly, I’m my late 30s, having never ‘dated’ or been in a real relationship, I ended up meeting up with someone and now we’re married and have had many happy (and sometimes difficult) years together. I never expected it to happen, and I certainly didn’t expect to love it as much as I do. But anything can happen, as long as you remain open to possibility.

    Also, loads of people lave and prefer being single. It’s just the ones in relationships are going to be (mostly) ones that it’s working for.




  • Spot on with “lieing about having your shit together”, I’m in my 40s and in academia and almost everyone is “just pretending” to be a high functioning adult.

    But you don’t need to spend your life in front of a computer. You can do all sorts of shit. But people like economic security and that makes “college > soul destroying job” seem appealing. But life can be all sorts of things, as long as you realise you’re in control of the choices not the results.

    There’s a well established trope that at every age, people think there life is about to settle down and stop being as open and free. I was defintely the kind of person who felt that turning 21 was becoming ancient and tbat life was basically over. But each decade has been completely different and often wild, I’ve done lots of different things, lived in different places and even now I’m married and have a house and all the more “settled” things, I’m confident the last few decades will also be varied and interesting.


  • It depends. Mostly I care, a new baby is a big deal, I think about how it will affect them, what the child might be like, the fact that I will probably still be spending time with that child in ten years.

    Holidays I care if they’re interesting. If someone goes somewhere I’ve always wanted to go I might have questions, if they’ve been somewhere I’ve been I might chat about what I liked. But when people try to tell you a detailed recount of some trip, it can be very boring. My parents are particularly bad at reminiscing together while notionally telling me, so they keep going “where was it we ate the second day? No that was the other place” it’s awful. But it’s a chance for them to feel happy about their holiday again, so I try to be patient, and I remember how many times my parents pretended to be interested as I explained how I was doing at some computer game or whatever.

    But to answer your question, it sounds like you care less than most. But everyone cares less than the people who’s life event it is. There’s lots of scenes in comedies about people hating hearing about new babies, or being forced to look at holiday photos. So you’re not alone!



  • I’d agree with that. If you use you’re vast wealth to do awful things then you’re an awful person. But I’ve defintely had moments when a moment of rage or lust or other bad intention has bubbled up inside, and I’ve wanted to buy a business just to fire the rude person I’ve argued with, or hire a team of sex workers just to fulfill some weird fantasy. But as a poor normal person those thoughts appear and pass because i can’t do anything about them. I’d hope that if I was a billionaire, I’d still take a moment and realise the gap between id urge and superego approved action, but who knows?






  • Oh I improvise, and I never really plan meals beyond grabbing stuff at the shop. I try to use stuff up before it goes off, and am willing to eat stuff even when it’s past it’s best. When I have time I try to make stuff even just to freeze for later, but that’s hard with a packed schedule.

    But it’s not easy, and sometimes I’m jealous of people who are satisfied with eating things repeatedly and eating to a routine. Since I love food, and love eating different things, I need to buy a good variety of fresh ingredients. But I’m disorganised and not good at going to market, visiting the butcher, etc. So we end up running out of food and just eating the same old things or stuff from the freezer. Or I buy too much when I go out, and then a week later the reblochon is stinking up the fridge, but I can’t make tartiflette until we eat the salmon which is now kinda out of date but I don’t have time to make a proper shellfish stock til the weekend…

    Balancing “tasty food” + “limited waste” is easy if you work out a clear plan and stick to it. But either you have to do that once and give up on variety, or plan and organise every week and that’s well above my executive function level.




  • The things that we call accents are just collections and patterns of speech variation, usually regional or class-based. Each individual has their own minor variations, depending on their speech communities and life experience. So, you’re kinda right to hear them as a bunch of individual voices.

    But if you’re interested in tuning back into accents, you can start learning / spotting the features that mark the difference. Do they pronounce an ‘R’ at the end of a word? Or just use a long vowel? Would they pronounce cot and caught the same?

    Once you start noticing, its less about matching an accent to a stereotype, and more about understanding all the interesting ways that speech variation occurs.



  • I’d happily watch some clips of all of your suggestions. But I don’t think it’s a great idea in reality. There’s a lot more to acting that just having a specific appearance. Watching Humphery Bogart’s take on the character of Indiana Jones would be awesome, but watching his face deepfaked over Harrison Ford would be meh, and watching a team of graphic artists attempt to recreate what they think would be an interesting Bogart performance might work, but also might be dull, or unimaginative.

    What they’d probably need to do, is hire an actor to create the performance then cover his face up with cgi. In which case, I’d rather just watch the actual actor.

    But a future where it’s easy for fans to create mash ups and fan fiction episodes sounds fun. And I’d happily watch those for fun.


  • The first image I clicked on started with “Daily - Make Bed” and I noped out of the whole thing. There’s cleaning that needs done regularly for health and there’s tasks that get more onerous the longer you leave them (like laundry). But I’ll never understand the obsession with making beds.

    Maybe people have more complex bedding setups, but mostly I just have a duvet on top and fitted sheet below. What difference does it make to anyone if I lay the duvet out flat and smooth each day? I’m immediately going to move it around when I go to bed, and I spend almost no time in my bedroom when I’m not in my bed. It’s the equivalent of saying “Daily - Fold the end of the toilet paper into a neat triangle”. If anything, immediately covering your used bedsheets with a duvet is trapping in moisture. At least the German habit of hanging your duvet out to air each day serves a purpose!