AOL came on floppies originally, but the quality was so poor that you could barely rewrite them.

I didn’t find an alternative, when I looked a few months ago.

There is a USB-C IR blaster that exists, but the Tiqiaa/ZaZaRemote app is awful.

Well, if you currently have this problem and want to fix it, I’ve shown you the way. OpenWrt is free software.

Otherwise, there’s no point arguing about it.

Multi-hour downloads have been a thing since capacity was measured in kbps. If a simple TCP transfer causes excessive queueing, then the queueing algorithm is broken.

A router with OpenWrt and luci-app-sqm can fix this problem, at least for an internet connection with a fixed speed limit.

One major AAA game update will likely break your connection
One person in the house uploading anything will cripple your ability to make ANY request

You are describing symptoms of bufferbloat, not capacity problems.