“I bet we can profit off of that!”
- Wall Street bros

Lelon Musk? Elon Mulsk? I’m gonna stick to my usual name for him: Mecha-Karen

If not for the billionaires, why do governments exist?

Huh… Recent context has really ruined jokes like this…

Coffee, water, soda. The later at night, the more likely I am to have coffee. One of the many wonders of ADHD: getting mellow or sleepy from stimulants.

is coming up with objects to compare things to a job position that exists? I want to apply for that. You’d spend the day browsing databases of things by size and picking out the weirdest ones.

Yes, this was your job interview and you failed. You neglected to compare the number of rows in the databases to number of pages in, say, the entire Harry Potter series.

If you keep your license to practice up to date, you can reapply in two years.

It’s gotta be at least 2027 by now…

Thank goodness I’m unpunchable

Look at ol’ Lumpy Farts Kash

As a citizen of fucking USA, I keep expecting to wake up one morning with bombs being dropped on us. And frankly, I fully welcome the bombs. Whatever keeps my family from reliving concentration camps.

I’ve often wondered how I would have acted during the Nazi invasion of Poland. Apparently, the answer is “become paralyzed with fear and thank my luck every day that they didn’t come for me.”

I’ve spent so much of my life trying to honor my family who died in the Holocaust by teaching kids about their lives and explaining how complacency will allow it to happen again. Yet here I am, metaphorically hiding under a blanket telling myself “but if the monster comes to get me, you know I’ll get them then!”

I hate living through all this and grown to hate myself over the snivelling inactive role I play.

On behalf of my state, I’d like to accept this award and furthermore inform my fellow citizens that licking this trophy will temporarily cure your allergies and make you unpunchable

Corrected for metric system:

At 19 weeks, a fetus is about the size of a mango, innit

Good. This country needs to learn how to kick fascists in the teeth, and I’m more than happy for us to start with my state as a demonstration

You’re being really negative and focusing too much on your cancer medications. C’mon, think of all the other great ways you could die! All the safety and infrastructure associations are getting dismantled, so you could easily fall down something or get crushed. If you want to focus on medications, have you ever considered forced medical trials??

/s and my heart always hurts for you, but I hope you found a chuckle in there somewhere.

Yeah, but out of how many? Like, 6, right???

On the other side, there are literally 15 bajillion pedophiles, all of them because they aren’t bigoted enough!

Checkmate, someone I don’t like! 😡

BornIn1988AndNazi

Are you currently safe? And do you have anyone in your life who will listen to you?

The most fucked up part (to me) is that you’ve told your dad that you feel unsafe/uncomfortable with this man and that his response is to call you paranoid and keep exposing you to this guy. At what point should the people with your best interests stop being complicit in your harassment? No means fucking no

I didn’t and I agree with you!

Ocean’sGulf of America’s Eleven

Would you like me to give you some Reddit nostalgia?

Eat a poop, you poop-mouth poopoo face with all your poopie questions! Go poop yourself! Learn to do your own research!
- Poop

I’m still down here and still in quite a lot of pain. Maybe someone could call an ambulance? The pain is really quite severe… I’ve fashioned a makeshift splint, here goes nothing!