Me too and I’m 35. I struggle with employment and relationships and everything in between. I have extremely deep trauma and multiple kinds of it too. I’ve tried getting help over the years only to be gaslit by providers. I’m once again trying to get help because friends are telling me “this time it will be different a lot has changed in mental health” but I’m extremely apprehensive. It doesn’t help that I got locked up in a psych ward for a week without any government order, they just wouldn’t let me leave. I had to yes the shit out of them to get out, and the meds they put me on made things 10x worse so once I was out of their purview I stopped taking them.

The only thing that’s ever really helped me was weed, but in the eyes of the medical establishment that makes me a “drug addict”.

And lately that doesn’t even help and might be making things worse. I got my hands on some Valium and that’s really the only thing that helps but benzos are so addictive and what I have is black market and I’m unlikely to be able to get it safely (ie, real and not contaminated with fent) again.