In kindergarden, I started running around the class with a pair of scissors in my hand. Tripped and the blades went right between my right eyeball and my skull.

Somehow nothing important was damaged (just a lot of bleeding and a very frightened teacher). I still have 2 functioning eyes, and I never again ran holding sharp objects.

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Soldering iron with needle tip, hot and full of tin. Power plug stuck in the extension cord connector.

Took the iron pointing towards me in the right hand together with the cord plug and pulled … Plug suddenly came free and the hot iron tip stuck in my left arm.

Pulled it out and it was clean, hole in the arm filled with tin residues. Didn’t hurt to much because nerves were dead around the hole.

Went straight to the hospital, took 3 weeks and a lot of cleaning to get the wound clean.

When I was a kid my brother was pushing me on a roundabout at the local park. He was pushing faster and faster, and centrifugal force did its thing. I could have held on tighter, but problem was I had an ice lolly in one hand and refused to let go of it, so could only hold onto the roundabout with one hand.

And that is how I ended up face down in the dirt, holding this lolly above my head because even in the crucial moment I prioritised it over protecting my face, and with a fake front tooth for the rest of my life.

When I was a kid I was playing with a stapler and I wondered if I could stop the staple coming out with my thumb…… I couldn’t

Senior year of high school. I’d been losing weight for a couple of years and was now down to a point where athleticism of any kind was starting to be possible. I was late for gym class and didn’t feel like running a mile as punishment for tardiness, so I decided to take a shortcut by not going all the way down to the end of the road to get to the field.

I vividly recall thinking to myself, “I’ll just jump over that guardrail!”

My feet hooked the back of the guardrail, I flipped over it and landed hard. Broke my wrist.

Took my daughter to the skate park to practice her skateboarding. She was off the board, and I was going to try getting on. She asked if I wanted any tips. I said I didn’t need any.

In my mind, I was going to get on there and immediately start doing 900s. OK, not really, but I thought I’d ride it a few feet and turn it back over to her.

Instead, I stood on the board. It immediately came out from under me. I reflexively caught myself with my hand and fractured my wrist. 🤦‍♂️

My wife yawned and dislocated her jaw. She had to go to hospital to get it fixed. Oh, the drooling…

Router bit in a drill press, trying to round over the edge on a small bit of wood. Of course the wood got snagged, and pulled my hand underneath the router bit. Somehow ended up with only a row of flesh wounds across my fingers. Could have easily broken some bones or sever some tenons.

This but using my head (almost broke my neck lol).

I was showing off for a girl I was seeing, using my pullup bar. I live in a small cabin so it’s over the only doorframe that had clearance for the handles- the one between my kitchen and bathroom. I pull myself up and it strikes me as a good idea to put my feet up on the bar to attempt to hang by the legs.

Naturally, my feet go backwards over my head, feeling like I’m about to rip my rotator cuffs, I just drop. Straight onto a tile floor. Knock the wind out of myself and shockingly I don’t hit my head. Hurt my back, shoulders, and pride quite a bit.

Looking back, I always did stupid things as a kid.

This one time, when I was 12, I ran over a hornet’s nest with my bicycle. It was in the middle of the road, and I noticed it way too late. The thing cracked open, I realized what was happening, and went full speed downhill.

I decided to do something extra stupid, and stood on the handlebars in an attempt to jump off. The bike flipped, I fell, and my arm dragged all the way down the street before the bike fell on top of me.

In hindsight, there may have been no hornet’s nest.

Wouldn’t say it was stupid in that it was the result of me doing anything stupid, but it definitely felt pretty stupid when I managed to get myself a 4 inch splinter from a wooden guardrail fully embedded in my leg in a hospital parking lot of all places. The best part was, because I was just a kid, and the hospital didn’t treat children, we had to drive to an entirely different hospital because of it.

I only indirectly caused this injury, but…

My closet has those wooden doors that fold open, right? So basically like two very skinny but heavy wooden doors with a hinge between them that fold. One of them came off the tracks. I sat it propped up against the edge of the closet door frame because I didn’t have what I needed to fix it at the time.

The next morning, I wake up to the dogs playing. It was still early so I closed my eyes to go back to sleep. Next thing I hear is a loud thud, followed by something smacking me directly in the face. The dogs had bumped the closet door, knocked it over, and it landed directly onto my face in bed. Since I didn’t even have my eyes open I didn’t even see it coming to try to move out of the way. It’s a miracle I was able to rush into the bathroom before blood starting pouring out everywhere.

So basically by not putting the closet door somewhere safer where it couldn’t get knocked over (or at least somewhere to where it wouldn’t fall towards me if it did), I set up a Rube Goldberg machine to break my own nose.

I was about to do my second 5 km lunch walk in a week after building up to it. I went to cross a street, caught my toe in a pothole, and snapped the end of my tibula. After limping across, I realized it was probably broken and had to call my manager to drive me to the hospital.

Had to wait two weeks after the emergency room to see a doctor. That doctor blew me off and didn’t want to deal with it. Partner insisted because I could feel my bones grinding whenever I moved. Got a cast, doctor blew me off again after I had it removed.

I’ve been limping every since.