Like there is never comments that even attempts to be like: “Okay here’s what you can do to try to mend the relationship…”
I feel like there’s a conspiracy that the internet is trying to break up as many relationships (and by “relationship” I don’t just mean romance) as possible so people are more isolated and therefore those who rule the world can more easily solidify their control…
Because it’s very easy for someone emotionally detached to say that. A random commenter can say dump them and move on with their day. For OP that means letting go of an emotionally loaded aspect of their life and suffering through the heartbreak that comes with that for a while.
I imagine it’s because a lot of the relationship posts are outrageous tales of betrayal, violence, or gas lighting.
I have a sneaking suspicion a lot of the posts there are just engagement bait anyway.
There’s a few big things to keep in mind.
- The people coming to random strangers on the Internet for help are more likely at a last resort level in the first place. They want permission or validation to end things.
- You only get one side of a story, which oftentimes makes things seem worse than they are. Any advice based on that is going to be more extreme. It’s difficult to impossible to figure out additional context that could change the circumstances.
- Relationships are based on communication, it’s a bit of a red flag to be asking a lot of these questions to random strangers in the first place. The poster is also likely a toxic influence that the other person doesn’t need in their life.
Feels like I’m going against the grain of the other comments, but let me try to justify it. A lot of people are in bad relationships and are being treated poorly without realizing it. Letting someone know that something is a red flag might be the first step in them becoming aware that their partner is abusive. There’s no “mending” a narcissist.
That being said, a post will only ever give you a sliver of the whole story, which is why Internet relationship advice isn’t really reliable.
As a long time reader of the subreddits where this sort of advice is posted, sure, some commenters fall back on this advice, which requires no thought and is very easy to consider when you’re not at all involved, however the top responses are almost always well thought out perspectives on the relationship.
If this question is about your parents and how they treat you though, which I’m considering based on your post history, I’m afraid you’re going to find there’s nothing you can do to change them, and that putting distance between them and yourself is your only pathway to minimizing that negativity in your life.
I’ll add that adding distance is the only thing he can do that has a possibility of changing his parents
Lots of questions about relations on social media are coming up when someone is at or close to wits end. So a lot of those questions get answered with recommendation of a separation.
Selection bias.
A lot of people post poor relationships in these places. I am not sure if all of them are real, but the real ones are certainly looking for help and not able to speak to the people around them for whatever reason. In the end we don’t owe anyone a relationship, even a familial one. “Give them a chance, they just made a mistake don’t throw your whole relationship away over (infidelity, abuse, etc), but they’re family” are pretty common and annoying because they make people stay in situations where they are clearly unhappy and are potentially being harmed. If people want to leave, there is no shame in that. It’s annoying on the internet because there is certainly a large amount of bot posts mixed in with real people who need help. Or people who describe horrible abuse and then defend their abusers…feels like rage bait.
Stop going on r/relationshopadvice
That sub has been incredibly toxic for years, probably since its creation
It’s also chock full of bots making up fake stories.
There has been a lot of great responses in this thread that are spot on …BUT…
I was a social worker for a long time and you would be amazed how many therapist I worked with who pretty much refused to do couple’s counseling. The reasoning, typically the couple either collectively or individually are just looking for a “Permission” to end it.
My hunch is they were using that as an excuse when the reality was they were terrified of doing couple’s therapy because it’s really hard
All therapy is hard.
You’re correct, but I meant from the therapist’s perspective. Couples therapy is real easy to go sideways
Sounds like an easy job in that case, no?
Granted, when I was in bad relationships before, I posted about it online when I wanted permission to end it, too.
There is a very narrow margin of people online. Most are in bad circumstances or have poor social skills. Some of us have both.
In these posts, people talk only about the problem, not about all the great things they do together. At the same time they may post pics of an awesome couple on instatok and get totally different comments
The real world is whole lot different to the one the Internet portrays. The internet is full of trolls, haters, cynical and depressed people who just want to shit on anything they can.
My favorite is the stupidly hard line around cheating. Shit happens, relationships are complicated, it’s not an ultimate deal/trust breaker. I’ve had it happen to me and I’m still with them and we trust each other. I also realized there were needs of hers I was not fulfilling, so it wasn’t just her fault.
It makes me wonder if these are the same people that couldn’t handle adoption or someone else’s kid because it’s not “theirs”, rather than looking at it that a kid just needs a loving family.
I always thought “dump him” was followed by an unspoken “and give me a chance.” In other words, incel culture.
Might not be all cases, but that is what I generally assume when I see/hear about stuff like that.
I really only saw that kinda shit on Reddit. Every advice sub on that site that isn’t about building a PC is seemingly full of people that are bitter about being alone/not having a pet/etc and take great pleasure in trying to get other people to be as miserable as they are.
